Put on the weight…

In 2 short days, I will be at the fun 38 weeks of pregnancy!  What a journey this has been for my whole family…..

As I sit and think about the last 9 months, I am still in shock that we are bringing a new little one into our family.  It doesn’t make it any less special to plan children, but when you stay shocked the whole time your pregnant, it throws you off course and makes you truly believe that God wants this child on this earth to bring Him Glory!

Every part of my physical body wants this baby out.  The baby isn’t ready yet, and these last few weeks going to the doctor, we have had one scary moment after another.  Baby has been growing on target, as far as my uterus is concerned, but baby is so very small.  I am truly praying that in the next week or so, that baby just loads up the fat.  Mostly so that he/she will stay put.  I still cannot believe that this child is spinning in circles and as much as it shocks everyone to hear it, it shocks me more to feel it.  No baby at 38 weeks should be able to turn flips and circles in the uterus so freely with hardly any struggle. 

I just have to laugh as much as I cry.  What is this child going to be like?  He/she may be just as crazy as the 10 months have been.  We have had the most stressful things happen since a few days after conception.  I have prayed and prayed over this baby that God would protect him/her from all of these mountains and valleys.  I know it takes a toll on babies and children to feel such stressful things from parents and the last thing I wanted to ever know or remember, is how stressful our life was during this time.  I shouldn’t say that our  life is horrible, but so many terrrible and overwhelming things have happened, and I am just trying to keep my head above water.  Every twist and turn has made for some serious prayer time, and I always love that.  Life is never going to be easy and I don’t expect that. I think most days I wake up holding so tight to what I want for that day, that I then realize it is never about me. As hard as that seems, I always know that.  But to feel so much pain, hurt, and struggles, I start to feel that I want to know my part in this because this is all happening to me, and God wills it and He allows it. 

I can’t wait for my family to get here in the next few days.  It is such a relief to have the network of family so close. I love when Grandma visits and helps out with the kids.  They love it as well. I am ready to completely rest, starting on Saturday. Hopefully, I can catch up on the sleep I have missed over the last month.  My cousin, Jessica, will arrive next Tuesday.  So we should have a blast until this baby makes an appearance.  I always look so forward to these visits and they are always so wonderful!!  I am incredibly thankful that every time babies have come into this family, that my mom is able to come and stay awhile.  The extra help is always needed and we are all so blessed to have this time together.  Hopefully, next time I blog….it’s announcing baby!!!!

Sadness

I never thought I would get a call like I did on Friday afternoon. We were having a fun day with the Logans, and I never expected any news like I got. 

Fast forwarding from my birth to now, I received the news that my 21 year old brother commited suicide on Friday morning.  It was so unexpected and very shocking. I am still in shock and disbelief.  As I have lost so many hours of sleep these last few days, my heart just will not settle down. It is an extreme amount of sadness, almost too much to bare. I have never lost someone in such a tragedy such as suicide, that I just cannot grasp the news totally.

My body is not dealing with this pain all too well. Being 34 weeks pregnant, my body doesn’t know where to place the stress except straight to my uterus.  This makes it all to real for me that as much as I try to relax, my brain will not let me.  I don’t even know where to put my thoughts, to laugh or cry at times or to be just so grouchy and angry.  I don’t even know where to go from here or if I will ever feel the same again.  I do know that I will see him in heaven, that’s for sure and I love the peace that comes with that.  But I still feel so much sadness that we will not live life together any longer on this earth.

I never knew there was so much pain in sorrow.  All day, I have been so very frustrated that I am not sleeping in TN right now. I am so happy that for a short time in my life, I will be able to live closer to family so that life is not so hard in times like these.

….33….weeks……

I am not even sure how I feel about where I am with this baby.  What does it even mean to be 8 months pregnant, when your pregnant time really amounts to 10 months?  My goodness, right about now, you start feeling like your body is completely taken over by a little person that you haven’t met yet, but you love with all of your heart. 

Today has not been a good day for me to celebrate the turning of another week.  I have been having such an unusual amount of braxton hicks, that I have been so uncomfortable today.  And I can honestly say, it is my first real day of true discomfort and not just selfishness.  It has been strange to watch my belly ball up and the baby get all tense while these small contractions happen. I was sitting down most of the day, which made them much more noticable. 

I can’t believe that these weeks are flying by.  I have an ultrasound in 2 weeks to make sure I don’t have a breech baby…which I am pretty sure I don’t.  Also, in 2 weeks, we have L*’s surgeon appt. and I am praying he will schedule the surgery asap. 

The grouchiness is not fun.  I sure don’t like losing my sense of humor.  When most days are good, I just don’t enjoy the days where I feel like another person.  It affects everything and takes me so long to adjust to the normal things I need to do and I enjoy doing. 

On the happy side, the baby is growing a little bit a head of schedule! I was so excited to hear that news.  So I will be anxious to see how much baby weighs! I sure love rolly polly babies, and have yet to have one!  Well shall see!

Impossible

It is so impossible for me to keep the same mood throughout the day.  Our life is under so much environmetal stress and decision making stress, I can hardly see straight.  Most Mondays are very hard, because we have passed a week, and being split with emotions of being excited for the baby and being sad for Wes being apart from us.  I am not the best military wife, as my husband would say.  I know he thinks I am a good wife, but the military part, not so much.  I never want to hang out at his work, or hang out with his co-workers and their families.  I think over the last 4 years, I have been transitioning myself away from the Air Force, and more towards normal life.  All of about 3 months have we truly been preparing to get on this new journey in the military.  My heart is still not on board.  The kids are not going to deal well with it either. 

So I go from sad, happy, disappointed, supportive, crazy, angry, excited, hurt, frustrated, joyful, and uncomfortable.  When I think about the heads and tails of stress, I really do think that too much stress can kill you.  Some days I feel my head is below water, and I can’t breathe.  I think if I didn’t have Jesus, I may really feel dead right now. 

From losing our house, having a baby, my son starting school, saying goodbye to our family in AZ, moving across the country, Wes leaving our family for 4 months, starting over in a new city…new church – ALL HAPPENING AT THE SAME TIME…. I think I can’t breathe.

Please pray for us, for our kids and for the peace of God that passes ALL understanding to guard our hearts and minds thru Jesus.  We need prayer.

Goin’ on’s….

Wowzer, it has been forever since a post!  I figured it was time for an update…so here goes…

* We had a delightful trip across the country to TN. 

* We stopped in TX to stay with our wonderful friends and had such a great time catching up and the kids adored each other, and I adored the babies!  Michelle has had 2 babies since the last time I saw her, granite they were born in the same year! What a blessed time to spend with friends we met in the military 6 years ago.  We love those people!!!!

*Arrived at my parents house, spent most of the first week resting and recooping.  It was such a long 32 hour trip, with many funny things along the way, that were so exhausting, but looking back, are so funny now.

* Kids played in the beautiful weather, the green grass, climbed trees, ate right out of my mom’s garden, planted apple trees, found worms, went fishing, saw grandparents, friends, cousins, and was in LOVE with every minute!!!

* We went to DOLLYWOOD!  The kids first time, and it was so fun to watch them enjoy the country side of entertainment. 

* Had such wonderful visits with all of our family.  I especially loved the visit with my aunt and cousins.  The kids had so much fun.

* The trip back was not as enjoyable as I hoped it would be.  Maybe partly from sadness of leaving family mixed with rude and expensive restuarant workers and terrible drivers.

* Got home and rested and went to 3 doc appts. last week.  That was a tad bit aggravating, but at least got them over with.

* Wes found out that his OTS class starts on Sept. 15th. 

* This means we are leaving AZ, sometime between Aug. 20th and the 28th.

* Hilarious.  The baby is due Aug. 13th.

* Talked with the doc about having the baby a little bit early.  I am never one to ask a baby to come out early, I love for them to stew and grow and I am not usually miserable, even being a week late.  But this baby, is coming on or before Aug. 6th.

* It feels like a boy, but it looks like a girl.  I am so wide, which is exactly how I looked with my daughter.  I will enjoy the surprise – names are still in the air!

* I am 30 weeks!

* We found out yesterday that we are moving to the best training base for us.  Columbus, MS.  The closest one to our family!  I am trying hard to imagine what it will be like to wake up and drive to my parents house, arriving 5 hours later.  What a huge blessing!!!!!!!!  Thank you so much God.

 

That’s it for now.

Lovin’ “it”

I just had to get a post in about how much I am loving the pregnancy!  Every single one has been so different and I am absolutely so thankful for this wonderful gift.  As it came so surprisingly and so joyfully, I have been expecting the worst things that I have experienced before.  Only to find that every day has been so great and so blessed with this child.  I know that most people complain and it is understandable so I am not condemning ladies that do this.  As I know that some things are hard to deal with, but I will say I have had some pretty bad side effects of pregnancy, but I rarely complained.  I was always afraid of losing the babies that I couldn’t bring myself to complain.  Even up to the day before L* due date, I thought I would lose her.  Even when I was in labor, they had a hard time finding her heart beat, and it was scary.  Always scary.  But now that I am having things on the very low, low, low side, I am truly thankful and excited as I can feel this wonderful baby move, kick, and turn circles.  Yes, it takes my breath away, because it is such a miracle. And an amazing one it is.  When will I ever believe I will say I am done with this? I may end up with 10 kids. 

I have been praying so hard, that through this stressful time our family is going through, that this baby is being shielded from it.  I know they feel every single feeling the momma has, and I am feeling so much even more that this little blessing came from God just for me to trust Him with every fiber of my being through this time.  What an amazing God I serve and love!  I want to lift my hands and praise Him thru every circumstance and that is what He asks us to do. 

 Just a few weeks ago, Wes called me right before my big ultrasound appt. to tell me that they had enrolled him in an OTS class  and that he would miss my delivery.  As my heart was breaking, the words out of my mouth was praising God for it.  It was so strange as I stood and cried in the shower, but all the while, thanking God for who He is and what He is doing in our lives.  So strange.  I cry as I write. Every day, listening to Travis Cotrell, Josh Wilson, Hillsong, Jeremy Camp, or Chris Tomlin… I just can’t help but praise God in this crazy time for our family. As frustrating as these last 3 weeks has been for our family, it has also been peaceful and fun.  God is always available to fill those gaps and the voids that terrible life circumstances bring, if we only allow Him too. We are the ones in control of this relationship, because honestly, do we want to get to the point where He breaks our legs, or bends our knees to fully turn our lives and our hearts completely to Him?  We can stay in the word, stay in the mind and body for worship, and be constantly on our knees, even in the good times.  Because if we are not there in the good times, the bad times will creep up and we will not be prepared.  The Holy Spirit is the awesome companion of keeping us on the place we need to be and to teach us, but at this point in my life, I don’t want to keep learning the same thing over again.  That’s where I am, and lovin’ “it”!

In Heaven

I let the kids eat lunch outside today and it was pretty funny listening to them talk.  I love that my kids love Jesus and talking about him, in the preschool way they can talk, and then for them to open the door to ask questions was pretty interesting.

L- Mommy, what will we get to do with Jesus in Heaven?

M- We get to worship Him, and we get to show Him how much we love Him.

L- Ooooooohhhhhhhh! (with a awesome smile)

J- Mommy, when we goto heaven do we get to play with Jesus?

M- Yes, honey, there will be lots of fun play time.

J- But will we get to build tents and draw with chalk on our porch?

M- Yes, we can build anything and we can have lots of fun doing it.

 

A little while later….

L- I want to take my play dough.

J- Can I be a kid again in heaven?

 

This where my heart broke…because we never know what day we will meet Jesus or what age. So I had to answer truthfully and honestly….

M- Honey, it depends when you get to goto heaven.  If you go today, you will be a kid.  If you go when you are a daddy, then you will be older.  But we can’t know for sure, because we will have wonderful new bodies there.

The conversation continued….    I love when my kids think about Jesus all on their own.  The Holy Spirit works, even in the smallest of hearts!

A-D-V-E-N-T-U-R-E

Anyone that knows me and knows me well, have heard me mention a time or two, that I am not fond of camping.  I sweetly adore hotel rooms and the comforts of home. So if we just need to relax,  we turn the TV off and the phone off and we ‘re set.  Our friends Brenda and Justin have longed to not accept this about us, and finally talked us into camping.  We agreed, and headed up to Show Low on Friday.  The week last week, was funny looking back at how we all started having to talk each other into it, because certain things had come up.  Whether B and J’s little one, would enjoy the trip or not, and whether we could deal with the weather.  Ha! Justin called me on Wednesday to tell me that it was going to be a bit on the chilly side and if I could deal with that? I said….I guess so…. my husband is a space heater, so if I was next to him, everything was good!

So we were off on Friday morning for the nice trip up to Show Low.  We arrived at the Lake and campground, and it was very beautiful and hilly and chilly!  It wasn’t too bad though, so we set everything up and cooked dinner.  It was alot of fun but still unsure how actually how chilly it would get.  The men offered to take the kids to get more fire wood and some other things, which hysterically left Brenda and I alone. We both were surprised to be alone on the site because what men want to take 4 kids to search for logs on the side of the road? This was when the fun started….

We sat in their 69′ camper and slowly realized it had turned pretty dark.  We both agreed that we would go and get in the tent that my family was sleeping in, and crawl in the sleeping bags just to test the warmth and to see how it would be.   On our way out of the camper, we heard this loud, strange noise and we couldn’t figure out what it was.  It sounded like an animal munching on something.  So we are both shining the flashlights all around and couldn’t see anything until I spotted a huge raccoon climbing up a tree really close to us.  We take off walking towards it, and I am saying OUTLOUD, “raccoons are very mean, did Justin bring a gun?” BLo said, “no he forgot it, and we should just beat it with the mag lite, if we need too.” I thought, this isn’t good.  Two girls, one pregnant, and we are walking pretty fast towards this raccoon, with no weapons and no fear.  Well the fun, ended pretty fast with the raccoon because he climbed so far up the tree that we couldn’t see him anymore.  We went and got in the tent, in the sleeping bag together.  By this time, my teeth were chattering, horrifically, and we are both cracking up.  She was getting worried because the chattering and the shivering wouldn’t stop, which meant I was not warming up.  She then started to hug me, what a good friend!!!!!  I eventually warmed up enough to seem okay and we layed there and talked.  Soon, the men drove up and we got the kids ready for bed. We sat by the fire for a while and then headed to our beds.  I was frozen by the time we walked the few feet to our tent, and Wes and I crawled in the sleeping bag.  I was then chattering and shivering terribly once again and this time, so cold that tears were flowing uncontrollably.   We were dressed very warm with 3 layers, so this was crazy that I couldn’t get warm.  But when your bones are cold, they stay cold for awhile.

The kids were sleeping nicely in the tent and we all bundled up.  That didn’t last too long before we were all in a sleeping bag together.  I couldn’t stand the limited space to move, because I need to toss and turn.  I got out and got into the other nice warm sleeping bag we had there.  We had a small propane heater that we turned off and on the whole night.  I was awake most of the night because I started to truly freeze.  Wes would turn it on so nicely for me to warm up and fall back asleep. Which this went on so many times thru the night.  The kids slept well nestled inside of daddy’s arms.  I slept curled up in a ball warmed by my own breath most of the night.  We had to get up a few times to use the port-o-potty (freezing), and Wes and Justin both mentioned that there was a skunk and a fox, that hung out around our tent during the night.  What joy? 

What an adventure!!!!!

The next morning after breakfast, we decided it would not be good for us to do another night.  The park ranger came by the site and told us that it had got down to 18 degrees during the night.  All I could say was that we survived!

But the conclusion was to goto Justin’s grandma’s cabin there in Show Low, and finish out the weekend.  It was a quaint small cabin, heated only with a fire place.  His grandma lives in CO so the cabin stays empty the majority of the time.  Justin had to turn the electricity and the water on and get the fire going for the place to warm up.

The cabin eventually warmed up, and we all eventually thawed out.  We had a super fun time, playing games, eating and sleeping all in the same room.  Brenda and I were both exhausted from the night in the cold, and the men held us together.  We both have manly husbands, that know how to fix cars, how to build fires, cut fire wood, cook, clean up, widdle wood, repair household problems and above all else, will get up in the middle of the night to stoke or restart the fire so that we will all stay warm.  Now those are men!!!

We loved our adventure and would do it all over again, just to have family time, and for our kids to have a blast.  The sacrifices we make for our kids extend beyond getting up in the middle of the night, feeding all the time, doing laundry, and cleaning up messes.  It sometimes demands us to do things that a truly not our nature to enjoy, just so our kids can have a blast and enjoy childhood.  That is what we did.  And it was a wonderful adventure!!!

The last week

It was exciting to have my parents for a visit, as always.  The kids are in heaven with them here and Mommy has a break.  This was the first visit we have ever had that L* still would come and give me hugs and kisses.  I have always thought it was funny that from the moment we greet them at the airport, mommy is on hiatus.  I can’t say that I don’t love it, because I do.  Every mom needs a break every once and awhile.  I love that Wes and I can just have a breather even if it is just to sit without being crawled all over.  Since we have lived here for going on 4 years, we have seen and been all over AZ.  Been to all the museums and the fun places we have around here, so now when the grandparents come, we stay glued to the house to make memories.  Gotta love that, since the Spurlings are homebodies!

But this time was just a tad different.  With all this change our family is experiencing, some fun, some stressful, my mom was able to see what kinds of stress our family is going thru every week.  As I was getting ready for my ultrasound on Wednesday, yes the big ultrasound, I was relaxed as usual getting ready.  Wes called to tell me horrible, knee buckling news, the kind we have had over the last year off and on.  They had signed him up for an OTS class that started June 9 and graduated September 9th.  My due date is Aug. 13th.  I was horrified to say the least that he would miss the birth of this baby.  I was quiet as he talked and told me all the information and he lastly said that he had already tried to fix it.  He also said that the lady told him that if she couldn’t fix it, by the end of Thursday, it would be official.  That was so unsettling.  Soon after I finished getting ready, while I cried through the whole process, Wes got home for us to head to the appointment all together.  I had a knot in my stomach the whole time while we were staring at this beautiful creation.  I think the rest of the night was just full of anxiety and worry, although we tried so hard not to. 

Thursday afternoon, Wes called to tell me they had taken care of the dates and that there should no longer be any screw-ups, LOL.  As of now, we are just taking one day at a time, as always, and having as much family time as possible.  It is wonderful! 

The baby….is beautiful and healthy. It was the first ultrasound I have had that everything was perfect and healthy, just the way it should be.  I was not really prepared for such a wonderful report.  Now there is never anything wrong with my babies, just me, my placenta, my uterus, the cord and it is always scary because I didn’t ever know if I would be delivering safely or ideally.  But God has truly blessed this pregnancy to have nothing similar or familiar.  It is like I have never done it.  My only concern is staying hydrated through the heat and choosing names.  If it were only that simple!!!

Safe…uh….not really…

I just finished reading the best book, besides the ‘one and only’, just today.  Every day in the last two weeks of reading it, I have been blown away by tears, smiles, conviction, encouragement, and mostly love.  I think there are many times in life where the amount of love we share is dependent upon the kind of life we are living.   But to not go into so much detail about ‘Crazy Love’, I wanted to share a part where Francis Chan, really took my head off. 

The things that my family is going through is not at all what I expected a year ago.  I know that most of us somewhat plan out our lives and live according to that.  Those of us that are walking in the spirit, know that at any moment, our lives can change drastically.  While this is not bad, I have been so willing to do what God has asked me, well…us, for that matter, I somewhat I have prayed and prayed and asked that God keeps us safe.  Safe. Safe. Safe.  I could go on, because I think that word has been mentioned in most of my daily talks with God.  Probably more than once in a day have I mentioned to Him, that I would love to be safe. 

Then comes conviction. 

Thankfully, I have loved that Pastor Greg, often mentions that our church is a dangerous church.  I am not afraid by any means when it comes to sharing God’s story with anyone, or stepping outside of my comfort zone to do things that I normally wouldn’t do.  Accepting that this Christian walk is dangerous is fine.  But then why do I pray to be safe all the time? 

The prayer he offered to pray instead…”Whatever it takes God, to bring me closer to you…I accept that you will do it.” Whoa!  Whoa!!!!!!    I really have to start using those words, because honestly asking to be safe, is not showing God how much I trust Him and how large my faith is.  That is not where I want to be.   This daily walk is utterly amazing!!!!