I never thought I would get a call like I did on Friday afternoon. We were having a fun day with the Logans, and I never expected any news like I got.
Fast forwarding from my birth to now, I received the news that my 21 year old brother commited suicide on Friday morning. It was so unexpected and very shocking. I am still in shock and disbelief. As I have lost so many hours of sleep these last few days, my heart just will not settle down. It is an extreme amount of sadness, almost too much to bare. I have never lost someone in such a tragedy such as suicide, that I just cannot grasp the news totally.
My body is not dealing with this pain all too well. Being 34 weeks pregnant, my body doesn’t know where to place the stress except straight to my uterus. This makes it all to real for me that as much as I try to relax, my brain will not let me. I don’t even know where to put my thoughts, to laugh or cry at times or to be just so grouchy and angry. I don’t even know where to go from here or if I will ever feel the same again. I do know that I will see him in heaven, that’s for sure and I love the peace that comes with that. But I still feel so much sadness that we will not live life together any longer on this earth.
I never knew there was so much pain in sorrow. All day, I have been so very frustrated that I am not sleeping in TN right now. I am so happy that for a short time in my life, I will be able to live closer to family so that life is not so hard in times like these.
Hey Brooke I am so sorry that you are in so much pain. We are praying for you and I know a lot of people at our church back home are praying for his family. They were all so upset when they found out.